even books

I am a big fan of J.M. Coetzee, even though he has the humour of a shovel. I wrote about him here, back when we actually posted pieces to our Throw Shapes column. Oh, when we were young and productive!

Even though I mentioned his Booker Prize-winning novel Disgrace, I hadn’t actually read it. I finally bought it the other day. “It’s time,” I thought, “To get seriously depressed.” Both because a) It’s about a sleazy professor in South Africa who after fucking a student then watches his daughter get raped – tra la la happy days, right? b) I will never be the writer Coetzee is – which is really neither here nor there, it’s like saying, “I’ll never sprout a third leg,” or “I’ll never find that perfect striped T-shirt.” Impossible. Anyway, I finally read it, and it’s good. Of course it’s good – it’s Coetzee! I think his other books are better – like, Life & Times of Michael K (1983, also a Booker winner) – which has the most bizarre anti-hero ever, and is strangely Zennish – and even Foe, which is the re-imagining of the Robinson Crusoe story through the eyes of a woman. But it’s worth a read. I can tell I am obsessed with something when I a) Watch the YouTube trailer of the related movie – always a pleasure when John Malkovich is involved b) Then proceed to watch YouTube clips of the author himself all stony-faced talking about Climate Change (should that be capitalised?).

Some facts about J.M. Coetzee:
• He is physically incapable of smiling. It’s a genetic condition, linked to gall bladders. No, not really. That’s not a fact.
• He lives in Adelaide because he likes it. Really. Strange but true. He was sworn in as an Australian citizen by Amanda Vanstone, our then longest-serving female minister.
• He is a staunch vegetarian.
• Like Abbott, he rides hundreds of kilometres a day on his bicycle.
• Like me, he loves Samuel Beckett (his thesis was a computer stylistic analysis of Beckett’s work, whatever that means)
• He doesn’t drink. Which equals we can never be friends.

I find internet stalking authors really fun. And funny. The other day I found this clip of Paul Auster walking through a restaurant in Madrid. I am not that crazy – that person has out-stalked me.

Anyway, if you haven’t read (or stalked) Coetzee yet, please do.

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